I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
