what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
