OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
