You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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