Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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