At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
