obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
i black out too much to be "responsible"
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
