I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
