I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
