She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
