My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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