yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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