We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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