yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
