So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
