All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
