New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
