just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
i dont even know how to be here
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
