I met the friendliest cop last night
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
