There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
