I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
We have started to decorate penises.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
