Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
