Just took my morning after pill in the library
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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