just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Randomize
