I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
