theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
The struggles of a small town man whore
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
