I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I woke up under a house in Key West
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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