Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
