My hair reeks of homosexuality.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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