On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
