some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
