Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I forgot wine drunk hurts
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
