You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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