his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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