You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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