i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
We got so high we made milksteak
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
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