Quick, to the slutcave!
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
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