My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
where am i from again
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
