I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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