I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
