It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Just cropdusted the office
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
