i jhust puked up my retainher.
We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize