i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
