I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
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