It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
