Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Randomize
