I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
