I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
