he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
