i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
