He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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