just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
