The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
he laminated a picture of his dick.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Randomize
