Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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