Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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