he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
