Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Randomize
