If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
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