If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
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