I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I want to fling myself into the sun
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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