i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
