Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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