Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
