Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
