you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Randomize
