i will never coherently bang her
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Randomize