best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Randomize
