I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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