Dual....:-)
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
