I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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