So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
