All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
