I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
