Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Randomize
