Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
