he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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