Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
